Facing Fear Part 1

Back in my twenties, I handled a gun in a way that was totally unsafe and irresponsible. I, back then, was very carefree and didn’t fully understand the power of a weapon. So I handled this weapon as if the bullets inside wouldnt hurt anyone. I didn’t hurt anyone, and that should ease my mind, but it hasn’t.

Fast forward to 2019, I think I’ve developed hoplophobia. Hoplophobia is an irrational aversion to weapons. Just the thought of touching and firing a weapon brings me to tears.

I’ve decided to try and overcome my fear of guns. I made a date with an acquaintance and headed to the Governors Gun Club in Kennesaw. My goal was to tour, touch and possibly fire a weapon in a safe environment. I went to the parking lot and sat there waiting for my friend to show up. She called to push the time back. So I took the opportunity to go home and reschedule. #scaredycat

We rescheduled for a weekday. Finally my day to tour and learn about gun safety was here. I was fully prepared to tour and maybe touch a weapon. I decided very quickly upon entering the range that I wasn’t going to shoot. I was only going to look and listen. As we walked through the facility I felt tears welling in my eyes. I hadn’t even laid eyes on the gun! I teared up maybe 3 times during my tour. This wasn’t a good sign. 

I watched the safety video and to my surprise, I started to feel more confident. Next thing I knew, I was signing the waiver and being issued a pair of ear muffs!

Our instructor started to speak to me as if I had already said yes! I hadn’t said yes! UH-OH! I’ve only agreed to TOUR the facility. Then, my friend bought ammunition and has decided to go in and practice. The tears are back! I listened in on the lesson on how to stand and how to hold the weapon. All good information. I actually feel like I learned something. During the lesson my heart started pounding, anticipating my turn to shoot. I couldn’t get used to the pop of the gun. My arm pits were wet. I talked to myself, trying to convince myself to go ahead and do it.......I didn’t do it. I did, however, hold the gun. That was all I was willing to do. I left the range feeling good about enrolling in a class or doing a 30 minute for $30. I walked to my car feeling confident.

Later that night, my heart started beating fast for no reason. I was dizzy and could feel a pulse all over my body. My blood pressure was up for no reason. ((Ughhhh))

Stay tuned for Part 2. Can I do this?